Rachel wants to sea
by Goodbye0Love
Summary: "Finn, you will bring me to sea, right? Please tell me that you will." Rachel is extremely anorexic which has caused an incurable heart defect. When Finn visits his brother Kurt at a rehabilitation centre he meets Rachel and the two of them become friends. As her time shortens, Finn makes come true her one last wish. LOOSELY(!) based one the movie "Vincent wants to sea".
1. Prologue

"Sucks being here, right?", I turned around to look for the person the sweet voice belonged to. The person actually was a girl starring up at me with chocolate brown eyes, there was a sparkle in them I had never seen before.

Her long brown hair( I figured it had to be long, since she wore it in a loose bun ) was smooth and a small streak was hanging in her face surrounding it on the left side. She couldn't have been more perfect or beautiful.

It took me a moment to realize that she asked me a question and most likely expected an answer, so I stumbled out the first thing that came to my mind "Well, yeah...true?", I nearly slapped myself mentally, this girl was hot and beautiful and _hot. _I must have looked quite goofy, it was a miracle I hadn't started drooling."Well than I guess, it seems to be clear, Mr...?" Reality hit me just in time "Hudson...uhm but you can call me Finn, I'm not quite that old yet", I chuckled nervously "_I _guess", I could have slapped myself again, the situation became more awkward by the second.

I just had met her two minutes ago but she already made me feel like a little boy talking to a pretty girl for the first time, like _really_ talking. "Well, I'm just visiting my brother Kurt Hummel, maybe you know him..." "Oh right, he told me about you and your visit, our rooms are right next to each other, so we're kind of friends. Seems like you don't have to stay here." she bent her head, just a little bit to the left and then she smiled. Gosh, she _truly_ was beautiful.

You could notice dark circles under her eyes. The fact that she looked pale and had a rather small figure made her seem completely tiny. I started to wonder, if that had always been the case. "Guess it's my turn to introduce myself. I'm Rachel Berry and I'm not quite that old either." It was then that she laughed and the sparkle started to shine like a star.


	2. Don't dream it's over

"So how long have you stayed here already?", I asked Rachel. We were sitting in the cafeteria and waited for Kurt who was getting himself something to eat. "I think for about two years, maybe more I..." , I immediately felt bad for having even asked that question, I could see how hard it was for her to talk about it, I was such an idiot sometimes. "...haven't exactly counted the months or well...years." The look on her face was desperate and thoughtful and mostly...sad. Her eyes gave it away. But as soon as the look was there, the faster it was gone and she put on a smile. I didn't know if the smile really was as true as she wanted to make me believe but it was clear that she didn't want to talk about what ever disease or syndrome she was suffering from - for years now.

The cafeteria wasn't that big, there were six rows of five tables each and one side of the room consisted of several windows completely, creating a panorama view on the landscape that surrounded the institution. The other walls were painted in friendly and welcoming yellow. Also a bit of orange had been used.

"And what are you doing when you're not visiting Kurt?", Rachel tried to turn the conversation's focus into another one, I decided to accede. "Well, I'm actually going to Ohio State University, I'm a junior now so hopefully one day I will be a teacher." "That sounds awesome", she smiled one more time "I think the choice of wanting to be a teacher fits you very well.", there it was again, I hardly didn't know this girl, _Rachel_, but just one sentence coming out of her mouth made me so extremely happy, as if I made the right choice. As if I needed some sort of reassurance to fully believe in what I wanted to do and in myself. "Thanks, uh, I guess.", I bet I looked like an idiot, grinning goofy, but I couldn't help it, she made me feel that way and somehow I couldn't do anything about it.

Nothing else was said, we just sat there in comfortable silence, it was like nothing needed to be said. The atmosphere was just really calm and harmonic.

Just a moment later Kurt came back to our table and started to talk about, how the food in here would be some sort of imposition. Once he was finished, the look on his face turned into an apologizing one."I'm so sorry Finn, you drove all the way from Columbus to Lima and I'm just fretting about this institution and how it doesn't get us anything, right Rachel?" "Uhm, yeah sure.", her eyes perked up, she must have been lost in her thoughts. "I mean, we could do something fun or at least try to have fun but in here everything that is supposed to be fun, is more a shadow of a cheesy sort of fun, or whatever you'd like to call it, do you understand what I mean? This is just...", Kurt continued. I didn't really listen to him actually, I was too concerned with studying Rachel. Her beautiful face, her chocolate brown eyes, her perfect lashes that surrounded them in an also perfect manner. The look on her face really seemed sad and somewhat hopeless, but she didn't want anybody to see. That couldn't stop me from noticing.

The next hour passed rather quickly and uneventful. Kurt wouldn't stop fretting about his time at the institution and Rachel would nod and agree shortly once she was asked. She wasn't listening, that was clear.

"Kurt, I know your stay here at Greenbird's isn't exactly what you imagined" "My senior year being like? Yes Finn, exactly Finn", Kurt responded "That is my point. I could better stay at home with you and Carol and my Dad instead of staying here in this piece of...well I don't know! It's not like it would make a difference. The therapy doesn't seem to help and more and more I feel some kind of useless, like I could do so much more." I felt bad for Kurt, ever since he started to suffer from his obsessive-compulsive-disorder, he seemed to have lost himself in some sort of way. He still was himself but on the other hand...wasn't. "What I wanted to make you see is that it all will turn out good in the end, you just have to be patient and you're gonna be helped." "And how do you know?" "It's just, I have this feeling, you know..." The truth was, I didn't have that sort of feeling and I didn't know how it all would turn out in the end. Who ever knew? I was just hoping myself that he would get better soon. And I knew, that my mom and Burt were doing so, too. "Let's hope that you're right."

I felt really bad for telling Kurt all this. What did I know and what did I wage to say? I wasn't stuck in the situation that Kurt was in. I didn't know how he felt or what thoughts crossed his mind every now and then, or from what he had just told me, crossed his mind everyday. I was just trying to encourage him, to cheer him up. That as a sort of support was all that I was able to give him, just like Burt and Carol. Being there for him was all that we could do. So it hurt me to see him this way. I tried to change the subject at least a tiny bit, so I said:"Burt and Carol will come and visit you on Sunday. They are really looking forward to seeing you again..." "Just like those other times?", he looked hurt. I know what he was thinking of. Burt was quite busy with his election campaign and everything at the moment. It wasn't like he didn't ask for Kurt, he did every time I called, but he just didn't find the time to visit. What I thought, really was a pity. And it didn't happen rarely that a planned visit was cancelled on short notice, what I thought,was a much bigger pity. The look of disappointment on Kurt's face hit me bad, even though I wasn't the reason for his sadness. "Burt asks for you every time I call or visit and so does Carol, they are really worried about you. And hey, they are visiting on Sunday. That's good isn't it?" I tried to cheer him up, which didn't seem to come in too successful. Again, it became clear, just how much Kurt had changed since he was suffering from OCD. And once again, it just hurt me as much. "I bet he loves you, Kurt and I bet Carol does, too.", Kurt and I both looked up surprised as Rachel said those words and broke her constant stage of being silent. She looked him in the eye insistently and I noticed that Kurt didn't know what to say any further.

As we, or well Kurt finished his lunch, Rachel had barely eaten anything and I already had lunch on my way to the institution, we made our way to the recreation room. And what Kurt mentioned about the institution seemed to be..._accurate_. The only things that filled the room were a flat-screen TV on one wall and a few couches that had seen their best days already. Sure there was an opportunity to play chess, but nobody really seemed to participate or wanting to participate in what was offered. I was sure, they would have done it, if the supply had been a little bit more...youth oriented.

The atmosphere was quite dull and depressing, not the best condition to make the patients actually feel better. The whole thing had something into it, like maybe patients just should be kept busy instead of really having to care for them. No wonder that Kurt didn't seem to get better. But maybe the whole thing wasn't that bad after all and maybe I was just overreacting, but it was, what I thought. I tried to make it better for Kurt, I wanted to cheer him up, so I asked him:"Like chess, Kurt?" "You can't play chess, Finn""Yeah, right, about that...", I was looking around the room and he still looked as depressed as he did before "but I thought we could give it a try.", I smiled at him. "Don't you think, this all is very filthy and disordered in here?", before I could respond anything, he was gone already and arranged the pillows on the couches , dependant on their colour and size.

"Don't be mad at him, you know, it's just really hard for him to stay here and to ask himself why and when it all will be good again, or if it will ever be. You know in here, you have a lot of time to think about stuff like that", I turned my head to face Rachel and once again she looked sad, like there was something, she didn't want to tell me, I mean, she didn't have to, we just had met, but something inside me really wanted to help her and didn't want to see her this sad. "Oh yes, I guess that's true, I'm not mad at him, I can understand him except for the whole having OCD stuff and so on.", I laughed a little nervously.

"You know, Kurt is very lucky, to have you as his brother, I don't have any siblings but i would love to. You're very caring and I see that you really want him to be better.", she looked at me and had a little smile on her face."Thank you, that is very nice of you, Kurt and I are actually step brothers, Burt and my mom Carol got married during my senior year at High School just that now, he is so focused on his election campaign and I sometimes have the feeling that he is still trying to get a balance into the whole thing and sometimes he misses out on Kurt. He loves Kurt, dearly, I mean he is his son and he practically asks about him all the time. How he is doing, how does his stay here make him feel and so on, but I don't understand, why he just can't seem to come to the idea of calling Kurt himself. Maybe he is ashamed because he knows, that he did a mistake. I'm just so worried, you know?", my gaze was lowered and I must have looked very desperate but Rachel didn't seem to mind. "I know, you will be able to handle this, Finn, I know it.", she tried to comfort me and she hardly even knew me, but she really was able to penetrate me with her words and with her gaze. And with her comforting encouragement, I noticed how I started to really believe for the first time, in myself and in what I could do. "How do you know?" "I just know.", she looked at me insistently and smiled, I could have get lost in her eyes right there and then but instead I decided to do something different. "Thank you Rachel, I guess that was what I really needed all this time, someone to talk with about everything, this whole mess and I uhm...was wondering, if maybe you'd like to go for a walk?" "I'd really love to Finn."


End file.
